Family Caregiving—the First and Most Loving Care We Can Give

By Bob Dwyer, Executive Director -- CMAA

Many of the people who work in community services for older persons are not only professionals in our fields.  Oftentimes folks forget that we are people too!  And the fact is, we have family members, younger and older, for whom we help to provide care.  As a grandparent, I have had the experience of caring for our grandchildren, at different times and for different reasons.  As someone whose parents grew sick and frail, I helped my sister and brother care for our parents.  My sister certainly took the lead, but we were there to help her and my parents.

I have also been privileged to assist in the care of my wife’s, my in-laws, as they have aged.  My father in law passed over last winter.  And my mother in law has now moved into an assisted living facility in Maine near my wife’s family.

This move into a “facility” was not easy for my mother in law, nor for my wife and her siblings.  Yet, the attempt to care for her in their long time home was proving very difficult for all.  The house was old, and needed more than just updating.  Furnace issues, leaky roof, utility costs and rotting pipes—all in combination with a true degradation of my mother in laws conditions of severe arthritis, additional leg pain, depression and the beginning of dementia, was taking its toll on her and the family.  The caregiving role is difficult, particularly when the one you care for is a loved one.

Like many other older Americans, Glo didn’t want strangers in her home, and would not accept someone to help her with personal care.  She accepted meals on wheels, but reluctantly.  My wife Kathy’s siblings stopped in nearly daily, doing laundry, making sure the furnace was working, helping their Mom with her personal care, groceries, and housework.  Kathy called daily, spoke with doctors, and made the trip to Maine on a regular basis from our home in southern Worcester County.  All in all, it was too much for everyone to handle.  There remained the fear that Glo would fall and break a hip, or worse, using the few stairs she needed to use.

Moving Glo to assisted living was the solution.  None of us had a safe and appropriate home in which she could live.  Now, Glo is safe and secure, and though other of her conditions remains, her children understand that their caregiving takes on a different role of visiting, comforting and loving.

All too often when we think about “caregiving,” our thoughts turn to professional caregivers.  Our loved one’s care does not always take place in hospitals, or nursing homes, or doctor offices, or medical clinics. Most care actually occurs in the home – and that’s a good thing. People are healthier at home and health care costs are reduced. Family caregivers have the best interests of their loved ones at heart.  But caregiving at home can take its toll and it certainly takes a lot of planning. The Nation’s 90 million family caregivers are front and center in providing care every day – enabling their loved ones to stay at home longer where they are happier and healthier. 

• Most adults would prefer to age in place.  90% of adults over the age of 65 would prefer to stay in their current home as they age.  Family, friends, and neighbors provide 80% of the care for the elderly.

• Two out of every 5 adults are family caregivers.  39% of all adult Americans are caring for a loved one who is sick, disabled, or living with frailties of old age. That’s up from 30% in 2010.

• Family caregivers are the only people who are present with patients in all care settings.  Patients may have more than one doctor; nurses change shifts; prescriptions may be filled at different pharmacies. But family caregivers are there as full partners with their loved ones through it all.

• Complex care happens in the home. Almost half of family caregivers perform sophisticated medical/nursing tasks for their loved ones – such as providing wound care and operating specialized medical equipment – and up to 70% manage medications for their loved ones.

• Caregiving affects the whole family. Men are now almost as likely to say they are family caregivers as women are (37% of men; 40% of women). And even 36% of younger Americans between ages 18 and 29 say they are family caregivers!

• Many families make changes at home because of their caregiving responsibilities. Some families have to tighten their belts at home to pay for out-of-pocket caregiving costs (an average of $5,500 per year). And many more have to make home alterations to ensure safety, security, and cleanliness for their loved ones.

(**See Caregiver Action Network at www.caregiveraction.org  .)

Family caregivers are the front line of caregiving throughout the world.  Whether it is shoveling the walk, raking leaves, bringing your Dad to the doctor or your Mom to the grocery store, it’s all about the care and family.  In this month of November, we celebrate Family Caregiving, the first and most loving care we can offer.